He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
only if we run a train.
done.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
