You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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