I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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