i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
