she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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