My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
