Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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