I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
