i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
