can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Randomize
