I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
