The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
