Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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