She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
