you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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