her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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