85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
