I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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