Say something about gay babies.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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