My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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