i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm sobbing to NWA
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
