remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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