I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
