i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
we're so committed to being not committed
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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