I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
