Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
