I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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