to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
