just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
