Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
