So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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