My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
