Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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