Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
