I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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