I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
