Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Im part way to drunk.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
