You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
