Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
