when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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