bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
