Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
