I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
