but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
