can we get nightvision for the apartment?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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