The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
