and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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