I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
