I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
