Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
