Have you finally orgasmed yet?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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