Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
