i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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