Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
