hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
