Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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